Episode 13: Yes You Can't!

“Great! Ashtray oh look, an ashtray, got an ashtray here.”

“My god did you hear that supermodel, she was a great speaker.”

“Did you hear what she said about living your dreams?”

“I get the best of both worlds. I get to teach you youngsters how to create and then I get to spend my summers thinking about wanting to paint.”

“It's time to start doing!”

“Principle Blackman, I'd like to, regretfully, tender my resignation.”

“I did pay for the kiln with my own money...”

“I assume the school would like to reimburse me.”

“Maybe I should stay around until you find a a new art instructor.”

“Just loading up the kiln, Thermaflare 5000.”

“I want to thank you for asking about my dreams it was a long overdue kick in the balls.”

“My whole teaching career is a farce, wrapped in a masquerade smothered in a facade frosting.”

“I was a complete zero Jerri.”

“Now you can multiply that zero by 100!”

“Coming, mister patience of a flood... Jesus, Mary and...”

“I'm not pushing you away, I'm pulling me towards myself.”

“You want to be a rock star?”

“All I need is what's in here.”

“Can I have a couple hundred bucks?”

“Avacodo's not a fruit.”

“Helllllooooo? Pranksters.”

“Hey I bet the kids at school really miss me.”

Jerri: “Nope.”

“That loses a little “umph” the second time around”

“Hey! I got a good idea, why don't you and I lie on the floor and pretend like we're not here!”

“Hey I got another great idea, maybe tonight I can move out tonight under the cover of darkness, wanna help?”

“I don't think so Jerri, I don't think I'm going to paint today.”

“I think I'm going to put that dream on temporary hold and chase some new dream, like not freezing to death.”

“Say Jerri you got a book of matches or some kerosene?”

“I want my job back, please.”

“Dreams are for fools!!

“I'm hungry and tired and I want a warm place to crap.”

“Keep your hands off my kiln!!”

Episode 14: The Goodbye Guy

“Oh hey kids how are you doing? And how am I?”

“No... just putting up a brave shell.”

“It's just you, know, This whole thing is making me think about my Daddy and when he... dropped me off today we were talking about his father and my... Grandad and how upset he is about his father... my great Grandpapa.”

“Evidently he isn't doing so well.... he's getting so old.”

“NO I AM GOING TO FEEL THESE FEELINGS.”

“Oh hey Jerri, we were just talking about me”

“How do I look?”

“Jerri, I want you to know that when you experience loss it's important to feel.”

“Grieve Jerri, it's OK.”

“No... this... this is grieving”

“Jerri you're in denial. You daddy. Is. Dead.”

Chuck: “My God Geoffrey, pull yourself together.”

“How can you think about food when I'm in this much pain?”

Chuck: “This is how I deal with your grief Geoffrey, I eat. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go discuss your sadness with that porkloin.”

“Jerri! What are you doing here alone?”

“Listen to me Jerri. I was just pawing at your dead father a little while ago and it really helped.”

“Jerri! Most of your daddy is in the belly of a dog”

“If I can accept your father's death why can't you??”

Episode 15: The Blank Page

“Good warm up ladies! Let's get lined up.”

“It's time to see who wants it bad enough.”

“That one I hate for the things she can do. She's perfect.”

Coach Wolff: “Jerri what does v-i-c-t-o-r-y spell?”

Jerri: “F...fandago? Hobocamp?”

Coach: “We will postpone these tryouts until we've all recovered from Jerri's shame.”

“God... Drama I love it!”

“I'm wonderful!!”

Episode 16: Hit and Run

Chuck: “Why did you ask me to meet you here? It's freezing.”

Geoffrey: “I wanted to have a picnic. It's the ninth month anniversary of us becoming... friends.”

Chuck: “Why don't we just go to the.. place.”

Geoffrey: I don't want to go to the place, it's musty and dark. I want to have a nice picnic.”

“I made portobello mushroom sandwiches!!”

Chuck: “Put that thing away, someone will see!”

“Way to go Chuck! There was Brie in there and that is a soft cheese!”

“Great! He shattered the macaroons!!”

Jerri: “Please don't let this be his face, please don't let this be his face. Oh my god it's his face!”

Chuck: “Oh Geoffrey, your face! It was such a nice one. It fit your skull so well.”

Chuck: “Those lips! Those Pillowy lips!”

“Chuck don't leave me twice. I need you.”

“Jerri, where, where where's my face? I want my face!”

“Chuck, tell the world Chuck! Tell the world that we're... friendly!”

“I remember an older man, with an oddly smallish head. About the size of a coconut.”

“Welcome class. How wonderful it must be for all you to come visit me. I understand Mr. Noblet is teaching my class, I guess that's something.”

“Let's get started. Does anybody have any questions about last week's lesson?”

“Let's just say.... I was waiting for some..thing that will never come.”

“My face! My beautiful face!”

“Whatever Chuck! It may be an ugly world, but at least I have a beautiful face!”

“Let's go Jerri!”

Episode 17: To Love Honor & Pretend

“Heeey kids, I don't know about you, but I think I'm going to enjoy settling down.”

“You know spending time on the weekends, weeding the pachysandra.”

“Yeah, yeah we do! It's straight to the motel and then a do not disturb sign goes up!”

“Oh Chuck, quit your teasing. We just want to show the students what a good marriage is like. You know like you and Claire.”

“Your wife.”

“A buck knife!”

“I'm in trouble!!”

“I like this, this is fun! Do you like this?”

Chuck: “Whoo stirke-a-rooni!”

Geoffrey: “God I wish I had your hook.”

Chuck: “Well let the big boss show you how. Let's cock those hips back, take this arm out of play and head position.”

Chuck: “Alright how does that feel?”

Geoffrey: “Ooh that's nice.”

Chuck: “Does that feel good?”

Chuck: “So how things going with Cherri?”

Geoffrey: “I don't know, this assignment makes me feel like I'm missing out, you know being a confirmed bachelor and all.”

Chuck: “Hey women are poison, every last one of them”

Chuck: “We gonna talk about marriage all night or are we gonna bowl? Let's shoot out this last frame and get ourselves another round of brewskis”

Geoffrey: “I can't I gotta hook up with Cherri later. You know we gotta go over the budget tonight.”

Chuck: “Well that sounds like a grand ole time.”

Geoffrey: “I dunno this marriage thing is kinda fun. You must have a lot of fun with your wife.”

Chuck: “Yeah it's a real chuckle fest.

Geoffrey: “Hey I gotta go, Cherri is waiting!”

“Sacrifice.”

“OK, first on my list is a 50 gallon salt water tank with pump gravel and a mechanical sunken treasure chest.”

“That's for the next item on my list, 6 long-necked sapphire blue, Japanese puffer fish! Very rare, very delicate.”

“They're poisonous!”

“That's why I got six, we're probably going to lose a few.”

“What's next on your list?”

“Dishwasher, don't we have one of those?”

“I mean your hands in the sink!”

“I'm just kidding but seriously that seems a little extravagant, let me put a question mark on that.”

“Next on my list...a Turkish bidet.”

“Good shootin chuck! My aim is a little off.”

“We thought it would be funny if Cherri went out and bought me an expensive gift.”

“We have a lot of laughs.”

“Of course it is. I mean I'd have to be crazy to take this seriously.... right?”

“I'm a confirmed bachelor!”

“What about Claire?”

“Your wife.”

“Oh, is that this weekend?”

“It will keep.”

“I promised CherCher that I'd take her away this weekend, you understand right?”

“Maybe I can come over to your house tonight.”

“Great! I'll bring Cherrie she'd love to meet her.”

“I think that's my target Chuck.”

“Hey we got you this!”

“Well here we are!”

“No I've been here plenty of times.”

“I can't remember, was I ever here? I guess I wasn't!”

“Yeah I'd love some more coffee.”

Cherri: “Mr. Clumsybones!”

“GODDAMNIT YOU'RE PICKING AT MY BRAIN LIKE A JACKAL!”

“Mmm! This is gooood, what do you got in here?”

“Mmmm how do you get it so goshdarn hot?”

“I've seen that press a million times Chuck!”

“I mean I'd like to see it a million times!”

“Delicious!”

“Sorry for that little outburst up there. Sometimes she just pushes my buttons.”

“Yeah, your marriage is crap!”

“Me and Cherri are nothing like you and Claire!”

“Yeah we've had our ups and downs over the past two days, but everything is going to be fine.. I think.”

“Gotta go!”

“Yeah that was a good time.”

“I don't know, will it take a long time?”

“I love you too honeybunch!”

“Nonsense! You get in here! What's on that mind of yours!”

“I gotta go”

“Sorry I just remembered I left the light on in my.... other life.”

“Hey Cherri, guess what!”

“I'm not going to be able to go on our weekend together.”

“I'm a little sick.”

“I thought I'd stay home, grade some papers, drink some tea.”

Episode 19: The Blank Stare 2

Chuck: “Check your personality at the door. Geoffrey Jellineck is sporting the latest in Blackwear by Blackman. Good luck finding his legs, because those bold camouflage pants allow him to blend in with the faceless mob. And that stunning maroon top says to everybody 'stay away, I belong to another'”

Chuck: “I am telling you Geoffrey, you were like a puma on the prowl out there!”

Geoffrey: “Did you think I was a little flat footed on the turn?”

Chuck: “No are you kidding? You look great in that uniform, I can't wait to get mine.”

Geoffrey: “You might want to go with pleats on yours.”

Chuck: “What do you mean?”

Geoffrey: “You know... hehehehips”

Chuck: “Are you saying I'm hippy?”

“Hold on Orlando”

“look Geoffrey, if you think I'm fat, just say so.”

Geoffrey: “You're fat.”

Chuck: “I KNEW IT!”

My God, why can't Chuck take criticism. Am I wrong? I mean he's getting a little chunky right?”

Orlando: “What about Jerri?”

“Oh yeah, she's a pig.”

Orlando: “She's in a cult.”

Geoffrey: “What??! We have to tell principle Blackman right away. I better change first!”

“Jerri blank has been sucked into a cult!”

“Look at them selling flowers.... they're so fiendish.”

“Maybe we should try talking to her first.”

“Hey Jerri! I know you're in there.”

“Listen, I have no idea what you went through.”

“I don't have any answers. I'm not acting in your best interests.”

“Why won't you trust me?”

“Maybe that's true, but do they care about me. Do you see the flaw in your logic now?”

“I can't reach her. She's lost in some frightening world that isn't centered around me.”

“Perhaps Chuck can get through to her. He was in the cult for 45 seconds, he knows.”

“Mrs. Blank I think it's time for someone who truly loves her tries to reach her.”

“Come back to me Jerri!”

Episode 20: A Price Too High For Riches

“What is art worth? Good, question, me!”

“The value of art is subjective. Or is it? It is!”

“So with that in mind, lets take a look at your origami projects!”

“Oh a goose I like it! Butterfly, very nice.”

“Do you have your project Jerri?”

“What is it?”

“I don't get it.”

“Hey what do you have Melissa?”

“That is charming. That's an A+ for you. Way to go!”

“Jerri for some reason Washington doesn't seem all that clever. I'm going to give you a....D.”

“OK people that's all for today.”

“Leave your projects on the table, I'm going to fire them in the kiln.”

“Good work, nicely done, way to go.”

“Jerri, what's the matter. You seem.... poorer than usual.”

Jerri: “Mr Jellineck, you wear nice clothes you have hair professionally done... you wear make up. You must know about money, how can I make money?”

“Well i can tell you how I made money. I had this beloved rich aunt who slipped into what we assumed was a coma so we had her quickly euthanized and split her cash. I'm sure we would have wanted her to want it that way.”