Thank You Notes
The New York Times
February 15, 2004
Actor in a Supporting Role, ''Mystic River''
I have to thank Clint Eastwood for making such a powerful film -- from what I have heard. I myself have not had a chance to see it. Well, I guess that's not strictly true. I have had a chance, multiple chances in fact. And it's obviously one of those films that you ''should'' see, but the ads made it look like such a downer. I think somebody gets killed. And I mean really killed, not like ''Lord of the Rings'' killed. Which, by the way, is a great movie. I saw it twice. Those battle scenes were awesome. I cried. Now that Peter Jackson has shown us what you can do with enough technology, I don't know why anyone would want to see a film like ''Mystic River'' -- which I understand is great. So thanks again to Clint Eastwood for believing in me, and especially to the special-effects wizards who created that Giant Spider. Imagine one of those things tearing the limbs off a grieving Sean Penn. Now that is a movie I would pay to see.
By Stephen Colbert
''The Daily Show With Jon Stewart''
Tonight, I share this award with my fabulous fellow nominees. Diane, you're remarkable. When I first appeared on the British crime drama ''Cracker,'' I based my performance as an abducted teenager impregnated by a cult leader on your work in ''Baby Boom.'' Naomi, I feel such a kinship with you. When you play a grieving mother, so do I. When you play a reporter searching for a killer videotape, I play a bald psychic who floats in a chemical bath and foretells crimes. And what an amazing young actress you are, Keisha. Your performance in ''Whale Rider'' reminded me of my role in ''Under the Skin'' --you know, as a troubled teenager who pictures her mother's coffin while participating in degrading sexual acts. Charlize, you're brilliant, but I didn't much care for ''Monster.'' A prostitute becomes a serial killer and winds up on death row? I kept waiting for something interesting to happen.
By Allison Silverman
''Late Night With Conan O'Brien''
Actress in a Leading Role, ''Something's Gotta Give''
Go figure! Oh man! Thank you, Nancy Meyers, for putting the men back into menopause. I also want to thank every plastic surgeon, eye-lift Houdini, Botox blower, liposucker and lip fluffer for staying the heck away from me all these years. And I wish every woman playwright, like the one I portray in this movie, had a hit play on Broadway with costume approval and auditions on the set. One that also buys them an enormous oceanfront house in the Hamptons, and two lovers, a wealthy old nymphomaniac and a sensitive young doctor. And most of all I want to thank my fabulous children. I hope by the time you're my age you'll see lots of naked women over 50 on screen. Um, I don't think that came out right. Anyway. Oh, I gotta say, Jack, I love you, and I hope that in your next movie you fall for someone who's out of shape and has two heart attacks,like I fell for you in this one!
By Wendy Wasserstein
Actress in a Leading Role, ''Monster''
I would like first to thank Aileen Wuornos, for allowing me to tell her story. Thank you also to the academy for allowing a woman's story to be told, for once, without being filtered through the male gaze, not as a wife or amother or a girlfriend, but an alleged monster. Thank you for the opportunity to show the beauty beneath the beast, the Madonna beneath the Medusa. For allowing her to stand alone, as so few women in cinema have done. For rewarding a story that does not reassure and comfort, but rather illuminates the fear, isolation and violation that most women have experienced at one time or another. For this -- all thanks. But most of all? Thank you -- truly, thank you -- for those prosthetic teeth. Those really helped.
By Margaret Cho
Actress in a Supporting Role, ''Cold Mountain''
This is a complete surprise. I never expected this. I didn't even know I was nominated! Up to this point I didn't even know why I was here! My manager convinced me to wear this very expensive designer gown, fix my hair and show up at this auditorium, but I didn't have a clue as to what this was all about. I do remember seeing ''Cold Mountain,'' and I do remember being especially taken with the character Ruby. She was so strong and capable, yet possessed such a tiny mouth. Now, to find out tonight that it was my wonderful performance that brought this character to life -- well, it's just overwhelming. Some of you might say: ''Hey Renee, hold on, you just won a Golden Globe for the exact same performance. You must have had some idea you might win.'' Nope. My humility is so intense that it actually stifles my ability to reason. While it is said I maybe an engaging actress with an adorable pucker and astonishing range, you will never hear me say so.
By Paul Dinello
''Strangers With Candy''
Directing/Best Picture, ''Lost in Translation''
Gosh. Hi, wow, look at all of you. Uh . . . I guess I should show you my shoes right away. They're heels, but not very high. They show a little foot, but they have a, uh, they're discreet about my private foot parts. They're definitely not flats. You could describe them as modified sling-backs, if you wanted to get specific, with a grosgrain-covered toe and a one-and-an-eighth-inch heel. The best part, which you can't see, is the surprisingly opulent cherry satin lining. The dress is vintage Chanel. I know, you expected Marc Jacobs, but I specifically requested something classic, so none of the magazines could question my choice. It's sleeveless and a little severe but decidedly sexy. It's black, as you've probably noticed -- silk faille, with sheer chiffon ruching around the neckline. I'm not wearing any jewelry at all. My hair is very plain, I'm wearing it down, with just a little bit of Kiehl's Formula 133 grooming aid for shiny tangle. As for my affect, you could say that I'm quietly beaming with just a hint of my traditional dark-eyed pout. Phew! I think that's everything. Now I'd like to address something that everyone has been asking since ''Lost in Translation'' debuted. I've thought long and hard and I'm ready to say that I made this film as a highly personal, decidedly autobiographical exploration of my -- oh! That's the music! I'd like to thank my father! Good night!
By Choire Sicha
Actress in a Supporting Role, ''In America''
This is thrilling. Members of the academy, I have to apologize. I thought you were all shameless, overfed boneheads, but this is brilliant. Thank you. ''In America'' is a deeply personal film. A small, intimate, deeply personal film. Frankly, I think it's a bit shady that you all watched it. Invasive even. What business is it of yours how a young Irish family copes with grief?